What Would You Do If You Found My Name in the Ashley Madison Data?


What I see in the church at a time like this is very important, not just to me, but to anyone deciding what to do with the idea of grace, repentance or healing, because it’s easy to assume that how you respond to those found in the Ashley Madison database is how you would respond to me if my sins were revealed.

Friends, continue reading this over at The Huffington Post.

About me


on the rats
September 03, 2009


Reply August 24, 2015

Maybe because my history includes a husband who was unfaithful and a marriage restored, my first thought when I heard the Ashley Madison names released has been concern for their spouse....did they know? Or is a news release the first they heard of betrayal?
I want to always extend grace that healing is possible quickly followed by the boundaries of what's required for healing.perhaps the marriage is not salvageable,but there is still healing.
Blessings friend.

    Reply August 24, 2015

    Oh Cheryl, I totally agree. I was careful not to give any directives specifically to the spouse. These situations can be beyond complex, but still, we always hope and pray for healing - even if the marriage doesn't make it. Especially then.

    Reply August 30, 2015

    May I ask how you & your husband began the healing process? I noticed your sentence included "marriage restored". If you can I would be grateful. If too painful, I understand.

Kris Camealy
Reply August 25, 2015

Amber, I so appreciate these words. I have been stunned and saddened by the gloating over the sins and struggles of others. I too thought, "what if it were me? or my husband?" I can't imagine, and it is disheartening to know that some of my own friends might use my stumbling as a soapbox or megaphone through which they can take a moral stance. Praying that grace would be plentiful and mercy would abound. Praying that we'd pray for rather than prey on our friends who fall. Thank you for your article, for your own story.

Reply August 25, 2015

Whew...do NOT read the Huffington Post comments. Just, wow.

I agree.

On Sunday, there was a situation at church where good friends of ours' sin was brutally visible. (Not related to Ashley Madison or an affair, but a similar thing.) I watched the entire community recoil in horror and just....it was awful to watch. My husband and I, we were buffering them, talking and chatting with them at the coffee hour, (which we do anyways) but particularly that day. We knew how much they were hurting, how the reason they were there was to start the long journey towards healing...

and all I could think, watching my community and the way they treated this 'visible sin'...if you had any idea the scars I carry with me, you would abandon me to the outer void.

There is a tight-knit community around my husband and I that know all of our scars, all the things we went through, our sins, and they were the ones who loved us in the depths of our darkness and love and support us still. We are not long out of fellowship with them before someone checks in with us and we with them.

But that community is not my Church community now (we moved a state away from that community), and I would not trust my present Church community at all with my scars. Watching what happened with my friends, I felt an unbelievable sense of loss. We have forgotten that the church was always first a hospital. I do not mitigate our sins or our friends sins in the least. But how in the world are we supposed to find truth and healing if the very place we are supposed to find grace and mercy is so very brutal? So we hide instead and the chance for healing is lost.

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